Let's chat among the roses in my garden.
What can I say?
Each day I am learning that "I am Enough".
But still it is a hard lesson to really accept in myself.
Today I want this to be about just opening myself up,
sharing where I am at with this Covid19 pandemic.
In March when it began it just took my breathe away.
Really I could hardly breathe and I was having days where
I could hardly walk across the room as I was so dizzy.
I just panicked even more with each day and
finally called the doctor.
I wasn't sure what was happening to me, it was terrifying.
My blood pressure was high.
The doctor suggested I keep a journal each day of my health issues
and as I have written it down I realized the panic was causing the dizziness
and the high blood pressure.
Once I realized what was happening it has gotten better and I have
been able to say to myself "take a breathe", "relax", "it will get better".
It has been a time of reflection too.
It has been amazing to see what has and is coming my way since noticing.
As always I have a long way to go, but I am learning more of who I am and what I want.
Listening to an interview yesterday and then another one today just fed into
those things I am learning.
Deepak Chopra was reminding that after each global crisis comes change
and we become stronger.
He reminded me the we must acknowledge our compassion within
and that with every action comes love. We can become a source for happiness.
Sheryl Crow said she was keeping her stress level down for herself and family
by avoiding the news most of the time and just taking moments to remember who we are.
Katie Couric has the nicest interviews and though she gives the
news in her newsletters, she also takes time to have positive stories.
On another interview yesterday I was reminded to meditate,
which I have never been good at.
Meditating is something I need to learn to do much better.
I also need to learn to eat better and take care of myself with regular walking.
I need to open up to creativity and make time for it.
Why is it so hard to take care of ourselves?
How can we accept that who we are is indeed enough?
We are blessed and yet we don't allow ourselves to accept it.
Just seeing these roses blesses me each and every day.
Knowing you are there, dear ones, blesses me.
Taking a walk or sipping a cup of tea with a friend (of course at 6ft. distance)
is truly a blessing.
I think I will struggle with this until the day my life is over,
but isn't that what growing is all about?
Is this a time of reflection for you as we struggle together?
I am keeping a journal and recording my thoughts and feelings as we go through this pandemic. I am hoping that reading it back afterwards it will help to give a full picture of what we have been through. I am also trying to write a few poems here and there and that is helping. We are living in strange times and we all need to adapt to them each in our own way. Take care and stay safe.
ReplyDeleteI understand where you are coming from Marilyn, as this has gone on, I find myself more involved with connecting with nature, learning from her. Like the apple tree I spoke of in my post. I find myself more close to God and Christ, as it's through Him that I find comfort and strength also. Meditation comes easily when I'm painting. It's the quiet time I spend with my brushes and a canvas, putting into a picture those things that bring me peace. I have started walking more, and trying to get my health better restored. Do I want to go back to normal? No. I want a new normal, a better more compassionate normal.God Bless dear friend.
ReplyDeleteYour roses are gorgeous! I can almost smell their sweet fragrance! Marilyn, I so admire you and how you are able to convey your innermost thoughts with others. You are an inspiration and I am often moved by your words. I sense that you feel deeply and your words often touch me in a way that makes me feel like we share a connection...especially with all things nature. I am glad you are feeling better. I am keeping a journal during these days of uncertainty and staying in touch with friends and family. Stay well and happy! Susan
ReplyDeleteAs you might guess, I connect with this post in so many ways. I've moved on from daily terror to what I call my freak-out bursts, where something kicks all my senses into gear. Those times are fewer -- but they're still there. My strategies have been to keep busy doing things I like. The house is a mess and I haven't downsized a smidge but I've done things that help keep me sane. Walking, painting, writing, cooking. They center me.
ReplyDeleteLet me recommend a book that I think you should read NOW. It's called "Almost Everything" by Anne Lamott, and while she wrote it around the time of the Santa Rosa fires a few years ago, just about everything she says relates to what you have written here and to these times. It was a game changer for me.
I'm glad you are calming some. We can be vigilant. We can follow the accurate news as things change regularly. And we must be. But I'm not sure we have to be crazy every day now. I hope not.
You have a lovely garden and the photos of your roses are sweet. The garden is my retreat as it is for my husband. There we can focus on nurturing plants, enjoying their growth and beauty. We can tidy our little plot and rearrange our plants, watch the birds, listen to their song first thing in the morning and enjoy them and the bees that come into the garden. I keep a diary, but do not write down my feelings. I'm so grateful that I have a partner for companionship and we can talk and share what bothers us during these troubling times. There are many aspects that we cannot control which is frustrating, but after serious illnesses we're glad to be alive so concentrate on living from moment to moment. I'm sure your little grandson is a joy, not so little now. Stay safe and well Marilyn.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing all this heart-sharing, Marilyn... It's a brave thing! Now, in these difficult time, is a really great time to get creative with our health--bodily health, mental health. I too feel moments of struggle... not so much about not being about go out (although restrictions are/have been lifting here)...or not being able to travel (annual trip home to America to see family probably won't happen this year, and that makes me sad sometimes)... mostly I worry over the state of the world. I've always done that--worry about the world, but even more so than ever...it feels different--the anxiety higher. Being a Highly Sensitive Person, I usually carry a bit of anxiety. I have to work harder at a lot self-care. I find myself needing to give myself peep talks more frequently...reminders to remain calm. It's not easy! Knitting helps me keep some sanity. Going out in nature helps a lot. Limiting the news, most definitely helps! The new normal is something we can create--individually, and collectively--and I'm all for that. A more loving, compassionate, giving, helpful world--I hope and pray for this. THANK YOU for this, my friend! ((LOVE & HUGS))
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