Saying NO to Self

Let's chat over a cup of tea.
No, this isn't about tea, but just musing as I sip.

The other day I was feeling rather glum;

so I decided to go to the mall to walk

and use my Barnes and Noble gift certificate, a gift from Christmas.

As I walked I realized how often I say NO to myself.

No you can't have that, No you can't go there, No you can't eat that.

How often do you say "No" to yourself?

How does it feel?

I started this thought a few weeks ago and after paying attention

I realized saying "No" to myself comes from a very sparse childhood.

A childhood where I used my babysitting money to buy my own bicycle,

a used and battered bike from a junk store. 

I painted it with a can of spray paint.

Then once I learned to sew, my money went to the fabric store.

Now these are not bad things and they definitely formed who I am;

but it also caused me to be cautious and tell myself "No" a lot.
PS - I think this came from being told "No" too.

If there was something I saw that I loved, I turned my head away and said "No".
I would tell myself I don't need that in my life,
I don't need to treat myself special.

I have to laugh because recently thinking on this I was visiting a friend,
in her bathroom she had a stand to organize and hang her earrings.
Well I normally wear the same earrings because who knows
where my other ones are. No organization here on that one.
Seeing her cute little stand I realized I never looked at cute little
earring stands. I just told myself "No, I don't need that".
Well I went right out and bought one.
What a lifting of the spirits and I have all these new earrings to wear!

Do you do this or is it only me?

Still musing over my tea with one of the few addictions I allow myself.
Magazines allow me to dream a bit, but at the same time
I say it gives me ideas of how to use what I have.
I don't allow myself to notice what I don't have.

I would love to read your thoughts.
Do you tell yourself "No" often?

I will be musing on this going forward.
Certainly no answers here except to notice when we do it.
We deserve the best in life, even if it is just a good cup of tea and a magazine.

Dream away, dear friends!
Have a terrific weekend!